Friday, November 06, 2009

This could be the ugliest doll in the world!

If not the ugliest then it's right up there on the scariest list. This is Linda, my doll. She is at the very least 44 years old, I was given her at the ripe old age of 2 years, there now, I've just given my age away!
The story goes that some children who lived just up the road from us wanted to give me the doll, which was lovely. Then a few days later they came knocking on the door asking for it back, "We weren't supposed to give it away!" they said. Mum told them that I hadn't left her alone and had been playing with her constantly and I would be heatbroken if she had to take her off me, so 'Sorry, no you can't take her back' and that's how I got to keep Linda! Good on yer mum!
As I look at the photos of her now, I think that maybe she should have given her back, little did they know of torture that would be inflicted upon this poor doll, they could have saved her a lot or torment.
As with many young girls we all at some point want to be a hair dresser, my hairdressing attempts left an awful lot to be desired however and I decided against that as a career path. Although looking at Lindas hair I could have worked for the Army giving crew cuts, I would have been darned good at that!
Now the most disturbing thing about this doll, which you may not have noticed, are her eyes. You need to look closely at the photo. Oh dear! I hear you mutter, I just hope at this point that no-one has fainted and any young children haven't withdrawn into a strange little world requiring counselling for the rest of their life!
I've had a closer look and a cold shudder has just gone down my spine, but I shall ignore that and soldier on...........I digress, where was I? Ah yes her eyes, they were the type that closed as she lay down, then opened as she sat up, to me that was marvellous, ..down..up..down...up...down, you get the idea!
It was probably around this time that a family member was having eye surgery at Moorfields eye hospital in London. Not living in London meant that our parents had to travel to visit, no-one stayed back then, and children visitors were a big no-no. So as most children do I acted out my worries, I didn't know they were worries back then I just knew something was up and I acted it all out through play. That play involved intricate eye surgery.............with a pair of mums kitchen scissors.
I don't exactly remember gouging her eyeballs out, but evidence suggests that I did. I think I did a pretty good job of it, I certainly fixed them open and shutty eyes. They didn't open and shut anymore, shame that! I wondered if I could fix them, so using the same surgical tools I used for the eyes, ie the scissors, I managed to prise off her head. It was blooming hard I tell you, man do I have a lot of respect for brain surgeons! The mechanism that made those eyes work were fascinating, shame they never worked again. Oh and I fixed that eye good and proper, its good stuff cotton wool! I just squished it all in behind the eye so that the eye part showed and I had filled that great gaping hole that you could see into her head. And that is how she has looked ever since, no more surgery, I think she had suffered enough.
Do you think she is scary? I kind of got used to her, funny that friends small children never did, kids are just too soft these days.
Linda never made the journey to New Zealand the consensus of opinion was that if we tried to ger her through customs in Auckland, officials wouldn't let us in and we'd be on the next flight home, so she now lives on the top of the wardrobe in mum and dads spare bedroom, living a quiet retirement with a host of other cuddly toys from the past.
Me? Well I moved on from dolls, I never took up hairdressing or brain surgery, it seemed a bit out of my league, so I chose a career with pre-school children instead......


  1. Very scary, indeed!! I am going to have nightmares.

  2. The Chucky films are less scary!! :D

  3. I was going to say it reminded me of Chucky too! lol

  4. Anonymous9:48 am

    ha ha i didnt know that story about linda yes she is very scary surprised i dont need couciling after sharing a room with her all those years glad you decided to do op on the doll and not on me!! love sandra

  5. Mum wouldn't let me do in on you, she was so bossy back then!!



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