Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Dog lead macrame and bare butt walking!

Since losing some weight I've starting walking, aiming to walk at least 5 times a week 5kms on each of those days. I've been enjoying it and have been pleasantly surprised how much easier it is the more I do it. But today was a real challenge. I decided to take the dogs, something I've resisted up until now as I know what they are like on a lead, plus they're not really used to roads and traffic. So what possessed me to take them out today? No idea...maybe it was the look on their faces that said "Can we come mum?" Stupid, stupid move!
Just getting them out of the  car was bad enough, Clyde (border collie) is always well behaved and stays in the back until I tell him to get out..but Max (foxie) being a law unto himself was almost wetting himself with excitement leapt out of the car and was sniffing around the grass verge before the back door was open! Luckily he was easily grabbed and on a lead before any mishaps occurred. So now I have two dogs on their leads and they are dancing around each other tangling the leads and one of them is now around my wrist and there is a serious risk of the blood circulation being cut off to my hand! I still haven't locked the car yet! Maybe saying the 'f' word loudly outside a Christian Camp wasn't a good thing but as I'm damned for all eternity for past demeanors I wasn't too worried.
So now the hand is untangled, car is locked and the walk has begun, well not so much a walk as a mad dash across to the other side of the road where such exciting smells awaited that Max could hardly contain himself and in the process trussed himself up like a Christmas turkey. Meanwhile Clyde is looking up at me saying 'But where's the beach? We always go to the beach...I wanna go to the beach...let me off this lead at once!' leaping like a lassoed wild horse.
It was at this point I should have admitted defeat and got back into the car, but no! Onwards and upwards, it's the first Jenny Craig weigh in since before Christmas tomorrow, so something had to be done!
The other day at Save Mart I bought some sporty stuff to go walking in, today was the first time I wore the leggings. I was about 5 mins into the walk when I realised there was a problem! There was no elastic in the waist and they were making their way down to my knees! Shit! The dogs had settled into a steady pace by this time and although there was still some lead macrame going on they were walking ahead of me quite nicely so when I tried to pull the leggings up they kinda got pulled down more as at that precise moment Max lurched into the long grass and Clyde did his impressions of one of those Lipizzaner horses!  Who knows what the milk tanker driver thought of me as he went past me with both hands down me drawers, one dog-a-leaping and the other dog choking on the end of his lead!
I thought I had solved the leggings problem, I really did, and kept walking. It didn't take long though to realise it was happening again! Bugger, but now somehow my knickers have rolled themselves up and were disappearing under me butt cheeks! Oh dear this isn't going well as now the leggings are slipping down again, I did turn back at this point, the tanker driver drove past again just as I was trying to reclaim me drawers...feck! It was the longest, almost 1 km back to the car I think I will ever do constantly hoicking up me drawers as I went.
Heaving a huge sigh of relief as I got to the car I went to pull everything back up again then saw the fella mowing the grass in the Christian camp looking straight at me, so I quickly shoved the dogs in the car and jumped in the drivers seat just as the leggings won the battle and I drove home bare arsed wondering if it was too early for a large gin!


  1. It is never too early for gin.


  2. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! To have been a bird in a tree! I bet the truck driver made an extra pass just to see the showwww LOLOLOL! So, where are those leggings now?


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